


You Can Let It Go

by Ncj700



Series: Homeward [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Or any major characters, Other, Some angst, but happy endings, its not keith or katie, somebody HUG them, this is more angsty than i thought i was going to be, you can probably guess from previous series installments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 12:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14285223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ncj700/pseuds/Ncj700
Summary: “You are a Paladin! You don’t just stop! Red misses you! Black misses you, even green and Yellow and Blue! We can tell, you are a paladin! You’re always going to be a paladin - you don’t just stop, you know that!”The surprise on his face made her wonder if he did, and finally, the confusion surrounding his decision to join the blades permanently, to Leave Voltron, made so much more sense.Keith always had trouble believing someone was on his side, and it took the trip to space and the journey home for that to change.The trials and tribulation of Voltron that unequivocally made Katie Holt that someone.





	You Can Let It Go

‘ _If I could break away half of all your pain I'd take the worst of it,_ _and carry you like you carry me._ ’

* * *

  **BBC NEWS 24 - WORLD EVENTS - VOLTRON COVERAGE AND NEWS LIVE FROM FORT GARRIT, USA.**

KEITH HAWKINS CONFIRMS RUMOURS OF ALIEN ANCESTRY ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Rumours of Alien Ancestry were confirmed earlier today when the Black Paladin, Keith Hawkins, tweeted a comment in reply to one follower after a combat workshop for cadets and officers at the Galaxy Garrison with The Blade of Marmora.

The week long Q&A session was accompanied by seminars and demonstrations for cadets and senior officers if the Galaxy Garrisson, as well as live demonstarations and tours of the Altean Castleship. The live footage of the talks can be found on the Global Space Agency website here.

High Queen of Olkarion, Ryner, also included talks and digital education packs on the technology recently brought to earth, and following the end of the first in what will be a series of talks from the Voltron team, each of the paladins has been answering unanswered questions from registered cadets from all Garrison branches via social media.

Though questions were closed to nonregistered twitter handles, all comments and questions were made public, and rumors began after Mr, Hawkins, Black Paladin, responded to a comment from European Cadet, Kelly MacDonald.

**KeKoala47**

 

> **@ KeithVoltronRed** Do the blades stay with you and the other paladins while they are visiting Earth? You all seem so close! Kolivan was with you and Pidge for hours at the after-seminar open discussions a few weeks back!
> 
> **_KeithVoltronRed @_** **KeKoala47** _No, most of them stay on the castleship, especially the guys with fur. The desert is a bit warm for them and the castleship is bio-acclimatised. Kolivan is a bit different - he was a close friend of my mother’s and likes to keep checking in, I think._
> 
> _109K+ comments_ _19K+ retweets_ _156K+ likes_

Following the mysterious comment, in which the black paladin hinted at a more personal relationship with the Blade of Marmora leader, Mr Hawkins’ account was inundated with prompts and questions as to what his reply meant.

For some time there was no official response until early this morning, first from the same account, followed by those of the other paladins, who also received questions on the matter.

 

> **Keith Hawkins @ KeithVoltronRed** In response to the questions… Yes, my mother was extra-terrestrial, specifically Galra, and an undercover _#BOM_ operative. I was born on Earth, and was not aware of this information until going to space. That’s all I’m saying for now, but more details will follow.
> 
> _700K+ comments_ _850K+ retweets_ _200K+ likes_
> 
> **Hunk Galuvao @ YellowLionMan** To everyone asking about the tweet by **@KeithVoltronRed** , he’s an amazing guy, one of my best buddies, and I’m just happy he’s happy to share this part of his life, like any friend should be. _#Voltron #Redlion #Black Lion #YellowLion_
> 
> As for the other questions, uh, sorry, I’m not going to answer them as that would be an invasion of his privacy. I’d like to ask everyone to respect that, until he and **@QueenOfGreen** are both happy to give more details on the matter.
> 
> _600K+ comments_ _450K+ retweets_ _100K+ likes_
> 
> **Lance McGuigan-Valladares @ BlueLionLance** Keith is our leader, and one of my best friends, and that’s all there is to it. Frankly I’m hoping I have a bit of Altean or Space-Mermaid in the family tree somewhere. _#KeepingUpWithKeith #Voltron #GalraKeith #Guys #ChillOut_
> 
> _350K+ comments_ _400K+ retweets_ _100K+ likes_
> 
> **Princess Allura of Altea @ SpacePrincess-A** Keith has not only been a dedicated member of the _#BOM_ , but proven himself a true champion of peace as the paladin of the _#RedLion_ and _#BlackLion_ of _#Voltron_. I am extremely proud to call him my friend.
> 
> _300K+ comments_ _200K+ retweets_ _97K+ likes_
> 
> **Katie ‘Pidge’ Holt @ QueenOf Green** I got this from Iverson today! Now i get payback for all the teasing about mine [Evil Emoji] _#Baby Pictures #Scary Alien #KeepingUpWithKeith  #MyFiancé #Terrifying #Voltron #GalraKeith_
> 
> [Picture inset of a small chubby, but happy looking baby in a bath playing with bubbles, being watched by a human man with brown hair.]
> 
> _750K+ comments_ _900K+ retweets_ _160K+ likes_
> 
> **Shirogane Takeshi @ BlackCat-Hades** I’ve know **@KeithVoltronRed** for a long time, since he first enlisted in the Garrison, and in response to all the questions, I will only say he’s a _#Paladin_ , madly in love with **@QueenOfGreen** (its tooth rotting), and too honest for his own good. He’s _#Family_.
> 
> _650K+ comments_ _700K+ retweets_ _78K+ likes_

A slew of messages prompted an official response from each of the Paladins, including former Hades pilot Shirogane Takeshi, however none have given any public comments on the issue.

Further details are expected within the coming days.

* * *

 

Colleen Holt got back from the airport and the flight her parents had departed on with plans of making one of her mother’s family recipe stews. No matter how old she got, or how grown her own children were, the absence of her own parents was always notable.

Having them visit for so long was a rare treat, and the circumstances had made it appropriate, but it had been two months since her husband and children finally returned from space now. While there was no question that they would be back for the birth of their first great-grandchild around April, Vincenzo and Valentina Mazzanti had their own lives to return to.

The farm had a lot of extended family to run it, mainly Colleen’s brother and his wife, but her parents weren’t too old to help maintain it, and two months was a long time away from it for them.

Of course, when she got back to the house, things took a turn she hadn’t expected; as she was about to go upstairs hang up the dress-coat she was currently partial to, her eldest child came whizzing out of nowhere, blocking her path to the stairs with frantic arms.

“Bad idea Mamma,” Matt said quickly, putting a finger to his lips and pointing up to the floor above.

Holding her silence for a moment she followed the gesture with her eyes looking for something and trying to listen. The reason for his caution was soon made clearer when she heard the voices of her daughter and son-in-law, muffled by floorboards and building layers, but clearly displaced from the normally comfortable companionship they exhibited.

“…thought we’d agreed about this? You said you were okay with it!”

“I said I was open to the idea Katie, not that I wanted you to sign us up straight away!”  Keith snapped back. “I don't want some stranger…”

It certainly wasn’t the first time that she’d heard the couple argue in the past two months, but this was slightly different to a couple of small squabbles.

“How long have they been arguing?” Colleen asked Matt, stepping away from the stairs and temporarily hanging her coat up over the thicker ones kept beside the door.

“Two hours,” Matt said. “They won’t be any louder, but sometimes it's a bit like a forest fire. Just best to stay out of the way and let them shout for a while,” he shrugged, heading back through to the living room. “I think it’s probably harder than being on the ship was — they can’t just wander off somewhere and burn off the excess anger in private before they can settle again.”

Colleen gave the stairs a concerned look. She could understand that, in a sense. While it had been perfectly normal — and beneficial — for herself and Sam to live with her parents before moving to America, the same could not be said of the younger couple.

She knew the lack of personal space definitely bothered Katie, and Keith she had learned was a private person. They were a young, modern couple, and an extraordinary one at that. It was only natural that they wanted, and _needed_ , their own space. Not to mention the baby.

As Matt went back to the living room, going to his laptop to finish one of the latest instalments for his blog on interstellar experiences, Colleen searched for her husband. She found him in the kitchen, leaning a little against the countertop as he chopped up some carrots to compensate for his bad leg.

“Hello love,” he smiled, kissing her cheek in that fond, enduring way as she looked at his collection of ingredients — the cheese sauce bake her father had made for them, a favourite of hers. She felt a little relieved seeing everything set out; now that she was home, she didn’t really feel like cooking.

“Are they really alright?” She asked, looking in the direction of the Matt’s bedroom through the floor, where the sounds of displeasure had increased in volume. “Matt said it was nothing to worry about but…”

“They’ll be _fine_ love,” Sam smiled, pushing the carrots into a bowl full of chopped onion and pepper, and moving onto some packs of blue meat that Keith had been sent from a member of the Galra vigilante group - Kolivan? “Frankly I’m impressed they’ve held it together this long. They have a lot to get used to, and then Katie was so sick... They’ve had arguments before but try not to let it worry you — they’re good at communicating through them,” he assured her.

Colleen tried to picture it, but found it difficult, her daughter arguing with her husband millions of miles away, in some quiet corner of the castleship. Then again, Katie had always been quick to get angry, and Keith was so blunt to the point sometimes, maybe it wasn’t unusual.

Before she could ask Sam anything else, the sound of footsteps on the stairs and louder voices made them both pause, and her eyes went to the glimpse of the hallway through the kitchen door.

“I don’t understand why you suddenly think this is such a bad idea!” Her daughter snapped, following Keith down the stairs, looking a little perturbed despite her clear irritation. “Lance and Hunk have been thinking about it too. You thought it would be good!”

“They decided to see a counsellor off of their own back Katie!” Keith growled back, taking her a little off guard. His voice wasn’t normally that deep, and it had a depth and baritone too it that wasn’t completely human “Like I said, just because I told you I was open to the idea doesn’t mean I’m ready to commit to it! I’m not comfortable talking to complete stranger about our lives!”

It was strange, what followed. Keith’s face was as content as a thundercloud as he pulled on his jacket ant the hat he’d taken as a semi-disguise, but before he closed the door (rather firmly), he pressed his lips to the side of Katie’s head and squeezed her hand, albeit stiffly.

“I’m going to Iverson’s.”

“Fine.” Katie bristled. “Tell me when you’re on the way home.”

And then, he left. Katie let out a frustrated grumble of her own then turned and headed up the hallway in the opposite direction, towards the bathroom.

“See?” Sam touched her shoulder. “They learned how to communicate a long time ago. Even when they’re arguing. They wouldn’t have lasted to talk about another ceremony if they hadn’t figured it out,” Sam said softly. “Katie might appreciate it if you still want to check on her though? For all my big words, I used to do it on the ship.”

Colleen held his hand on her shoulder as she gave him a peck of her own. She could sort of see what he meant — their kids were grown and growing into new phases of their lives, but it would never erase the worry.

Plus, Katie had a habit of curling up in a ball in the bathroom when she was upset as a child, claiming the cold floor cleared her though process. Colleen had a feeling that habit hadn’t changed.

Following her daughter’s path, she knocked on the door, and when she heard no warning, and felt no lock on the door, slowly looked around the door.

Katie had grown up from curling up on the floor, but the disconcerted emotions on her face were obvious as she sat on the edge of the bath, watching the hot water fill the corner tub.

“Sorry Mamma,” she said, catching her eye nervously. “It kind of came out of nowhere, probably not what you wanted to get back home to.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to apologise,” Colleen assured her, flipping the toilet lid down and taking a seat. “Goodness knows I never apologised to your Nonna when Sam and I argued back on the farm,” she added, handing her daughter one of the Altean bottles that had been pilfered from the castleship.

“Still,” Katie frowned. “It probably made Dad and Matt really uncomfortable too; we should have been more considerate.”

“Dear, you’re still apologising — stop,” Colleen sighed. “Matt and your father are adults, they’ll manage. Never mind them, do you want to talk about what you were arguing about?” The words weren’t a demand, just a genuine check.

If Katie would rather be left to her own thoughts, as she sometimes did, then Colleen wouldn’t push the matter.

Katie glanced back at her, then pulled a stack of towels out of the holder by the bath and sat down on them as she waited for the hot water to reach the level she desired. While she hadn’t quite reached her halfway mark, her bump was just noticeable if you knew where to look for it now.

Despite being small, it had soon brought back pain that had been identified at Katie’s weekly checks with Ryner – it was the area where the extra sac within her uterus had attached that caused it.

Thankfully the alien woman had decided to stay on Earth for the entire pregnancy, as well as to teach human researchers how to use and build the Olkarian healthcare technology. Knowing she was willing to do so put many minds at ease.

“I… kinda messed up. I messed up a lot, actually,” she admitted. “Ever since Keith let it out to the public that he was half-Galra after the garrison seminar he’s been… on edge,” Katie explained. “He’s worried what people are going to say once we make a public announcement about the baby. There are tons of really bad comments right now, too.”

Colleen knew that — not from speaking but just by observations. While most people had taken the news without blinking, others hadn’t, which was inevitable. Not everyone could be pleased. It had been taking a toll on all the paladins, but so far none were sure how to handle it. Even Allura, who was very politically savvy, had been shocked at the incessant nature of earthling news teams.

There were some offers for interviews, but no-one had decided anything yet.

“…after Shiro started going to therapy and how much it helped him we both talked about it,” Katie continued. “I mean, it’s not like we have any major problems but…” she paused again. “…not that I regret it, but…”

“But you were stuck in a space war for five years, never knowing if you’d get home, and there are things that happened that just wouldn’t have been in your lives had you stayed on earth” Colleen nodded. “And they’ve left scars, and all this drama is making them ache.”

She had heard some about Keith’s mother, and how she had died, from Matt and her husband. Nothing more than anyone else knew, but she could imagine certain levels of tension from all the recent focus on Keith’s ancestry.

Her daughter looked away guiltily, leaning of her pile of towels to pour some of the Altean bath oil. Scooting off the toilet and onto the floor, Colleen waited until Katie looked her in the eye again before choosing her next words.

“Katie, I’ve been going to your father’s sessions for a while now, so I know how big of a change this all is for you. It is for me too,” she smiled. “But I could never be prouder of you, and I’ll never be ashamed of you for looking or wanting for a little help. This is an adjustment period for all of us.”

Katie let out a breath and slumped sideways, leaning her head on her shoulder. “So, Keith?” Colleen reminded her. Sam’s therapist had talked about family sessions, but they were a ways off yet, and weren’t what Katie’s current unease came from.

“…Yeah, I kinda crossed a line. He said he wasn’t really sure, but it sounded okay, and I signed us up for an introductory session at the Garrison without double checking,” she frowned. “It was stupid. I just barged in with the most logical idea I could think of, and just didn’t _think_ whether or not he’d be okay with it. He doesn’t like… he’s not good with people. I know that - I know I’m in the wrong. It just… I want to help, and I’m not sure how to do that here. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it’s not really any different to moving to a new city or country — you’re in a new environment to what you’re both used to,” Colleen assured her, thinking to the screaming matches she’d had for a week or so with Sam, after they first moved to America. Matt and Katie had probably forgotten about them, they’d been so young. “Would it help to talk about what you both did when you were on the ship?”

Katie looked up a little more sharply. “Do you want to?” She asked nervously. “Know? I never wanted to go on and on about it all — it didn’t seem fair,” she said. “Plus there’s so much, Keith’s mum, and dad being captured again, Shiro, and that’s just this past two years…” Katie’s face faltered. “I don't want to overwhelm you with it all.”

“Of course I do.” She answered without blinking. Katie’s face lit up. “I’ve heard your father’s stories, but I want to hear yours too sweetheart, all of them, and Keith’s, and Matt’s. Start to finish. I’ll go grab that bag of Reese’s you hid behind the cookery books, you can settle, here. I’ll bring it all through. Sound good?”

“Mamma, that sounds amazing.”

“Then I’ll be right back.

Once she’d procured the bag of mini peanut butter cups, as well as some cushions from the living room for her own comfort, Katie had already buried herself under the bubbles.

It wasn’t the strangest place to have a heart to heart with Katie - she had one under the kitchen table with her when she’d been bullied a little in pre-cadet school — but it was the first of such magnitude since she’d come back from space.

If that meant alien bubble bath and peanut butter chocolate, then so be it.

* * *

‘ _You say that you're alright when tears are in your eyes. We're strong enough for this, and I need you; it's okay that you need me._ ’

* * *

The castleship was eerily colder than normal as Katie wandered through the halls. There were sometimes missions that worked well, and then there the ones that worked too well, and left an uneasy feeling in her guts.

Then there were the bad ones. All goals considered, their last one had been a good mission, a successful one even, but it didn’t feel like one. It felt like a complete an utter failure, and it was getting worse with each day that passed.

The irony of it was that the problem stemmed not from the Galra this time, but a jaded and grieving Altean princess who hadn’t quite learned to identify grey shades in-between black and white.

Katie could understand Allura’s shock to the revelation that Keith had Galra ancestry — it had been a surprise for all of them — but she didn’t necessarily have to like it. And she didn’t. She’d had to bite her tongue a few too many times recently, when Allura’s words to the red paladin were spoken as if he didn’t stand directly before her.

“If there was any doubt that Allura was a princess before, she’s certainly cleared it up now,” Katie grumbled to herself, wondering how long it was going to take for things to go back to normal.

The entire team was stepping on eggshells around Allura, and it was not just frustrating, but it had made the tentative progress Keith had made settling into the group all for naught. About the only place he could be found now was training in his room — he hardly even came out onto the training deck, only doing so when it was required.

He hadn’t eaten a meal with them for days, and honestly, she couldn’t blame him. Katie was struggling herself to eat around Allura. All the tension in the dining room sapped her appetite, and she could hardly taste her food.

Even Hunk had drooped a little, and he was usually fairly cheerful and probably the least likely to lash out from the emotional pressure. While normally a good negotiator, in this case he’d taken a step back, instead choosing to be Switzerland, and avoid taking sides. It was probably sound logic, and Katie wished she had that much emotional intelligence.

Lance was a mixed bag — he was trying to be supportive to both Allura and Keith, but inadvertently ended up making things worse when he tried good-naturedly to force them into situations to talk to each other. That in turn made him feel down, and his confidence with the whole situation was dipped.

Shiro she suspected was the true neutral in that he truly saw both points of view. He was closest to Allura with exception of Coran, and knew the true horrors of the empire in a way none of the other paladins did.

And yet, Keith might as well have been his adoptive brother. If alternate realities existed, there was probably one where they _were_ adoptive siblings, or even just real siblings. They were just that close.

Shiro was the leader of their team however; taking sides, in his mind perhaps, might compromise his role and ability to guide them all equally. Hence, he was the true neutral.

That left her and Coran.

Coran knew Allura’s suffering better even than Shiro, seeing the empire’s rise from the first formation of Voltron, if his few side mentions of the first paladins were true (she’d have to quiz him on how exactly the Galra emperor became their favourite monster when things weren’t so emotionally iffy).

He and Allura were the last of an entire culture; whatever his personal feelings were, he needed to stay by the Princess in this.

As for Katie… well, she was in Keith’s corner. Allura’s best attempt at maintaining politeness around him was outright dismissal and ignorance, and she simply didn’t see why Keith had to be punished for his biology, and for not knowing. It was no crime.

It was like her dog back home on earth. Bae-Bae was a Pitbull, and the breed was a regular character amongst ‘ _dangerous dog attack_ ’ circulations, but Katie doubted Bae-Bae would even know _how_ to inspire fear in humans. She hadn’t been taught or been exposed to that behaviour, so she didn’t exhibit it.

Keith wasn’t going to turn in a purple rabid space chinchilla with fangs just because he had a bit of their ancestry. Katie could appreciate that Allura was having difficulty, but even the Blades - who were strangers to her — were at least getting her diplomatic smile.

It simply wasn’t even close to fair, and so, whenever Keith was around for the group training, or strategy talks, Katie made it a point to partner up with him, or make sure she kept the seat beside her free. She couldn’t really do much, but she at least wanted him to know that someone was on _his_ side.

Reaching the training rooms, Katie opened the door to the main practice arena, stopping by the ration dispenser to grab a few water packets, her eyes on the figure darting about the floor with the practice bot.

The colour on the gladiator’s lights was lighter than usual, so at least she knew Keith wasn’t pushing himself. On his usual levels, the eyes were more of a dark blue berol pen tone. It also meant he finished the training sequence earlier than usual, and when he gave a nervous glance in her direction, she held up the water packets.

“I come bearing the gift of hydration,” she said, flapping the foil sachet around, encouragingly, making the plug of the water echo a little.

After a couple of moments, he flopped down on the seating at the edge of the training ring with her, taking the offered sachet. “Thanks Pidge,” he said, and the words were loaded with a lot more than just the gratitude for the water.

She could hear it, how much something as tiny and stupid as offering him a space capri-sun meant at the moment.

“You needed it,” she yawned, leaning back against the wall. “You’re my friend.” It really shouldn’t be something to be explained; before Allura started this ‘ _I’m-Pretending-You-Don’t-Exist_ ’ game, she wouldn’t have felt the need to reassure Keith of that so bluntly, because he wouldn’t have doubted it.

They sat in comparable silence, sipping water packets till all the ones she’d picked up had been sucked dry, and exhaustion began to creep in. It had been another long day, and tomorrow would be even longer with the attack plans for Zarkon’s mothership being finalised.

“Keith?” She asked, staring up at the ceiling.

“What?”

“I know you’re trying to stay out of Allura’s way, but you shouldn’t. You don’t need to let her think you have to atone for something,” she said firmly, but hopefully in a gentle-ish tone. “Because you don’t.”

Keith gave her a very unsure look, like he wanted to disagree with her, but feared the repercussions of doing so. Katie wondered whose fault that was with a heavy degree of sarcasm in her own internal musings.

“I mean it,” she stressed.

When they formed Voltron, it was a feeling of being close, not in each other’s headspace, but having a sort of sixth sense set to the four other pilots of the lion-formed robot. Each was a little different, but for Katie, she had the easiest time meeting up with and forming her own movements around Keith’s.

They were a tiny team within a team, and there was no way she was going to let Keith think that had changed, or face Allura’s monsters by himself. In spite of their differences sometimes, Keith had had her back from day one, and been willing to bend for her since that stupid food fight.

The silence continued, but a sideways glance at her friend told her that the sentiment had been expressed as she wanted. Shuffling closer, Katie lifted her right arm a little as Keith leaned his head onto her shoulder, and lifted it across his back as he deflated. She made no mention of the shakes in his shoulders, or the tiny damp patches on hers.

In a few days, she’d wait at the doorway after preparing Keith’s pod for a possible kamikaze mission into the bowels of Galra central command, listening as Allura delivered a long over-due apology.

But that would be in three days’ time, and when one arm broke, the other picked up the slack. Right now the red paladin, her friend, needed someone to help him, and that was exactly what she was going to do.

Keith always had trouble believing someone was on his side, and it had taken the trip to space for that to change. Right there and then, though she didn’t know it for another year or so, Katie unequivocally made herself that someone.

* * *

‘ _So put your armor on the ground tonight, because everyone's got to come down sometimes_ ’

* * *

 

Keith did not in fact make it to Iverson’s. He got a third of the way, then started heading around the fort town in circles, orbiting the Holt household like a mindless moon, doing his best to avoid the hordes of people and news reporters that had been popping up again in fresh waves.

Then he spent half an hour sitting in the back garden, but out of sight of the window so that no-one could see him until he felt that he had sufficiently calmed down, and wouldn’t get unreasonably angry again.

Eventually, he felt prepared, and emerging from his hiding place, let himself back inside the house. Hearing Colleen and the Commander inside the living room, he made his way up the stairs. Matt’s bedroom door was closed, and he knocked quietly for a moment, before slowly letting his head poke around the door.

“Katie?” He called out tentatively.

“Bathroom!”

Following his wife’s voice, Keith again poked his head around the door, though a little more confidently, but still with some concern. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked - Katie was hunched over the toilet. It felt like a stupid question to ask, but he asked it anyway.

“No, I’m not okay,” she mumbled, sounding like she was about to cry. “Our space baby can’t digest the nutritional content of peanut butter cups,” she said looking up with absolutely sincerity and despair, then glanced and turned back to the toilet. “…and I scoffed the whole packet talking to Mamma about our ring-surfing date in the Veygor system.”

Sitting down on the floor, Keith did his usual task of holding her hair back. “I can see that…” he said, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I shouldn’t have shouted.”

“And I should have double checked first,” Pidge groaned, leaning back against his arm to get her breath. “I think that’s the last of it. Gimmie two minutes, and then we should talk like competent human beings. I feel like we’re overdue on that front.”

Keith nodded, holding out a hand to help her to her feet, then running a glass of water from the sink for her to rinse her mouth with. There was still an air of tension, the kind always present before any after-argument discussion, but they both knew the time for stomping and shouting had passed, and that to get back to normal, a little more patience was required.

As his wife sat on the window sat, taking in some of the air, he waited on the end of Matt’s bed, feeling his shoulders hunching in unexcited anticipation, wondering which of them would be the first to speak.

It was Katie; once her head had cleared, she turned away from the window, watching him across the room. “I meant what I said; I shouldn’t have booked the appointment without double checking you were comfortable with it. That wasn’t fair to you, and regardless of what my intentions were, it doesn’t change that fact,” she said. “I should know better and I’m sorry for that.”

Keith but his lip, then let out a long breath. A lot of tension he hadn’t realised was there disappeared with her admission; he didn’t want to shoulder blame on anyone, but hearing that his wife had booked a couples' therapy session without even asking had been a bit of a blow that he hadn’t expected.

“I... appreciate that,” he said. “I know where you were coming from, but we need to make decisions like that together.” He paused. “I am sorry for storming out like that, and letting my temper get the better of me, especially in front of Matt and the Commander,” he added. God, that was going to be awkward when he went back downstairs. “It was immature.”

Katie let out her own breath, then looked from him to the edge of the bed beside him; Keith held an arm out and she made a beeline for the spot it encircled.

He enjoyed the more peaceful calm for a moment, breathing in the scent of her hair.

“While I was out I did think about what you said,” he confessed when things felt a bit easier. Katie sat up, unsure but attentive to his words, and he braved himself a little. “And... I think we should go to the appointment,” he said.

Katie sat up a little more, seemingly disbelieving. “Okay, but why?” She asked.

“Because... we’re going through a lot of stuff right now; being back on Earth was scary enough, but now we’re going to be parents too, and just because Ryner is optimistic doesn’t mean we can relax; there’s no standard for human and Galra pregnancies,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m over the moon, and unless something does happen I’m not trying to worry unnecessarily, I just don’t think I should forget how hard this might be for you,” he stresses. “And besides all that there’s still Voltron things and the empire factions still left, the garrison, and you’ve got your family to worry about too...”

When he’d finally sat down and thought about it, there was a lot of stress and pressure surrounding them at the moment, so much that between morning kisses and whatever they’d shared with the public since the announcement at the garrison, they hadn’t really made time for each other.

It was strange; fighting Zarkon had been a sort of stress that had brought them together and taught them how to be there for each other, help and provide support, but being back on Earth, away from the dangers of being attacked in the middle of the night, had been completely unsettling.

“I agree...” Katie said simply. “But I’d add that you’re also worried about going public on being half Galra, and honestly, you’re a little uncomfortable here, aren’t you?” She asked.

Keith faltered, not entirely following but at the same time suspicion rising in shame. “I’ve never said that,” he nearly whispered defensively. “I really like your family. They’re-”

Katie put a hand his lips, shushing them. “Keith, you can’t even call my dad by his first name, and he was in space with us,” she smiled, a little amused. “You’ve been pushing it aside so that we can reconnect, but it’s turning you into a fifth wheel, and that really isn’t fair either,” she said firmly, pulling her fingers away; Keith kept his lips closed this time, listening. “You need to tell me stuff like that,” she added gently. “It’s no good for me if you’re not happy here, and quash your problems for my sake. That said, I should have noticed it sooner too. I did, but only because I’ve been feeling like we have no privacy lately.” She looked away for a moment. “When you add all that up, I can’t really blame you for wanting to get out of the house for a bit.”

She leaned against his shoulder and Keith let out a breath, one that must have been holding him upright, because the both ended up flopping down onto the covers as gravity pushed him backwards. Rather than moving, he just cuddled his wife closer; she was soft and warm and soothing like a blanket, inspire of the serious tones in their conversation.

“I like it here but I guess I do kind of feel like an alien visitor sometimes,” he admitted finally, looking determinedly at the ceiling, biting his lip as he felt his wife’s lips on his cheek.

“At risk of sounding like a broken record,” she said hesitantly. “This is all, now that we’re talking about it, why I think we should go to the appointment. It’s not that I’m unhappy, but when we do fight we keep coming back to the same things, that I don’t want to fight about. We’re home now, we can’t avoid this stuff by hiding in bathrooms and hallways like we did on the castleship, and most of the war is over… we don’t _have_ to worry about anything else anymore.”

“...I know,” Keith sighed, wishing he didn’t agree. “I don’t want to either,” he said turning back to her and kissing her cheek. He could feel her fingers winding into his own and despite residual unsettling feelings, he was much more reassured than he had felt in a few weeks. “We’ll go,” he agreed again, with much more finality.

“Thank you,” Katie said, relaxing a little in his arms from her own unease. “But if you change your mind, or need more time, promise me you’ll tell me? I don’t want to break your trust like that a second time,” she asked.

Keith nodded. “I promise.”

They shared some much more comfortable silence for a while, lazing in the bed for a few minutes before Katie snapped her eyes open.

“Keith?” She mumbled.

“Yeah?”

“I think our space baby is trying to digest more of those peanut butter cups,” she croaked, face suddenly much paler.

Keith jerked out of their shared haze to scramble for the nearest bucket.

* * *

‘ _I know I've been gone too much._ ’

* * *

“Hey, Pidge, have you seen Keith?” Hunk asked, poking his head around the corner of her bedroom door.

Katie looked up from her laptop; she wished she had been doing something important, but she more or less been typing meaningless code for the sake of something to fill the awkward time gaps that had started showing ups lately.

“He isn’t back yet, I don’t think,” she said, leaning further back into her pile of pillows. “Why?”

“I just wanted a headcount for dinner — we got some carrots on the last planet, and I think I can make something like carrot and coriander soup,” he said, deflating a little. “Though now that I think about it, he never eats much veg. Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “See you later Pidge.”

Katie watched as he headed back down the hall, absently scratching Kirk behind his furry blue head as the space tribble scuttled onto her laptop with squeaks for attention.

As she absently scratched, she realised that Hunk was right. She’d never noticed it before, but Keith really hadn’t eaten much of the plant based meals Hunk made. When those were available, he ate a little (presumably to avoid looking rude or ungrateful), but with a generous plate of food goo alongside it.

She also noted that she had started thinking about him in a past tense. Like he’d disappeared, or had died, and that was weird. He still slept on the castleship and called it home, but every couple of weeks, the Blade of Marmora would have a mission and ask for his help, and he’d disappear.

It was making her uncomfortable.

Not Keith’s decision; she could never fault his for that. After discovering his heritage, he needed answers earth couldn’t give him about his mother. Katie had been ready to abandon Voltron herself once before for the sake of her family, and she knew she would be willing to do it again in a heartbeat; there was no way she could judge Keith for following his own intergalactic family breadcrumb trail.

And yet... even when they formed Voltron now something was wrong. When Keith first took Shiro’s place it was different, but there was still that reassuring presence in Black. More aggressive certainly, more prone to taking chances, and a different kind of unyielding and determined, but stable and confident once they got used to the changes. She’d actually felt safer with Keith than Shiro sometimes. Now that Shiro was _back_ , everything was upended, and Voltron was missing something.

It wasn’t just Keith disappearing; Allura and Shiro didn’t really help by contradicting every decision he made as the black paladin, and supposed head of Voltron. Katie could see that it was unintentional and sometimes they _were_ right, but she had to admit the scales were unfairly tipped amongst the team, and distinctly not in Keith’s favour.

Everyone, even herself admittedly, tended to look automatically to Shiro for guidance in the field when disputes came up. That in itself probably wasn’t the best thing to do, considering Shiro couldn’t even fly a lion a few hours ago. They automatically took to his suggestions purely from habit when often, he didn’t even have an objective view screen of events, only radio chatter.

Then there was Allura; besides still working through her obvious problems with the Galra race as a whole, Allura had a connection to Voltron itself through her life essence, and it had always been that which gave her the overall command. Now she was a paladin too.

If Katie had to compete with that, she’d feel out of place too, and that was totally disregarding how much trust and respect Keith had for Shiro. It was no wonder the Blade looked so much more appealing and frankly, a better use of his time and skills.

Still, that didn’t excuse Keith from completely failing to show up on important missions. He knew their importance and that Voltron simply could not function without five paladins. He was not replaceable, and Katie could only hope he’d see that himself.

After a few more hours of typing meaningless drivel, Katie passed another feeding her space tribbles bits of rust and scratching their bellies, playing with a few of the toys she’d made to entertain them.

Once, she’d worried about them following her home, but they seemed perfectly content to be spaceship pets. Or maybe they just enjoyed the company and change of scenery, and having them was incredibly therapeutic.

When Allura sent a message asking everyone to the bridge, she felt her guts churn, dreading the impending lecture but at the same time furious. Keith, he had utterly disappeared, and it was only luck that had stopped them all from being captured or worse.

It was with a mixed bag of feelings that she followed the path up to the main control deck. The conversation once Keith arrived was one she had both expected and been hoping would never hear.

Of all the people to leave the team first, Katie wouldn’t have put money on Keith to be that person. Then again, she wouldn’t have imagined Shiro agreeing to it either, and he hadn’t even put up a protest. Not how she expected, at least.

It didn’t feel right. Keith was part of Voltron. Part of their team, not the Blades, and as much as she wanted to wish him luck in his own search for his family, the words wouldn’t come. Keith was _leaving_ and for reasons she didn’t understand at all, that singular thought made everything feel like all their plans had just gone horribly wrong.

That feeling didn’t go away as she slept through the night, and the ones that followed.

* * *

‘ _We talk about me too much. I’m selfish and distracted…_ ’

* * *

 

Leaving Voltron felt like the best thing Keith could have done for the team in a long team, but he had his regrets over the decision all the same.

Mostly, he missed the people he’d grown to call friends, and in Shiro’s case, family. He missed helping Hunk taste test strange alien alcohol or working out how the ingredients on the ship could be worked into the food goo dispensers.

He missed sparring with Lance, or just bickering in general. It wasn’t necessarily fun, but it was one of those thing that he was used to, and didn’t like missing out on. He missed corals tales of Altea in its prime when they were helping him clean and do maintenance on the ship.

As tense as things had been with himself and Allura, he missed her too. Once things had settled, she’d been really helpful, and even helped him set up the language teaching software for Galran. He’d spent a year looking for Shiro based on the simple disbelief that he wasn’t dead, and he missed him too, but besides that… he was almost glad to get away from him and Allura a little.

He didn’t miss Voltron as much as he did Red individually either. That made him certain that he couldn’t be the Paladin Shiro claimed he was. He didn’t like it — he liked being a paladin — but he knew that as long as he felt that way, he couldn’t be a good paladin

And Pidge, he hadn’t really helped much when she tinkered on her inventions, but they’d often ended up being on Kaltenecker-duty together, and passing the chore of milking their team cow had gone by quickly listening to her ideas for toys for her fuzzy rust caterpillars.

The blade was welcoming. Serious and determined, focused on their mission, but still welcoming and Keith wasn’t unhappy there. The communal bunkhouse was like being back at the garrison, only slightly more comfortable, and he’d grown closer to several of the blades he shared a sleep space with, but he missed his friends.

So, when he got the chance to deliver a report for Kolivan in person, he leapt for the chance; the transmission had taken ten times normal than usual, but Keith didn’t care, because Valgor used the call time to sync Keith’s data-pad to those of the other paladins, allowing him to contact them on his personal time.

It wasn’t the same, but the promise of regular contact even with lance made him feel a bit more at ease.

* * *

 

The day had been long, and the mission had been extremely unpleasant without Regris. Slightly older in blade admission chronology, but also mixed species, Keith had bonded quickly with his mostly silent roommate and team-leader.

His passing before he left Voltron had been something he managed to avoid dealing with for a while, but tonight’s mission had been one of those ones where he wished that reassuring back up had been there.

In the midst of mixed feelings of nostalgia and a strange kind of homesickness that his friend’s absence only intensified, he started a transmission to the castleship when his personal time came around.

“Sorry, are you busy?” Keith asked anxiously when Pidge opened the transmission; her expression wasn’t mad, but he could tell he’d caught her at a bad time.

‘ _No, no, it’s fine Keith, I’ve just… I think I’ve found a trail on my brother… I’m just waiting for the tracing results to finish but… I have a good feeling this time_.’

“Your brother?” Keith blinked. “That’s great to hear. What kind of–”

The words were cut off by the frantic beeping of Pidge’s laptop, and some excited, nervous bluster from Pidge about results and checks before the screen cut out.

“Keith, we’re going to the training room if you're done with your call?” A female Galra from his room said, open invitation to join her and their other roommates.

Keith stared at the screen, then sighed and turned the data-pad off. “Yeah, I want to learn some of those katas you’ve been using.”

“What is a kata?” She asked as he stood to follow.

Keith went into the explanation, slipping the data-pad into his pocket. He’d try a message later to check in instead.

* * *

 

After two more months, Keith found himself in the low sunken pit of blankets and pillows and mattress that served as his ‘bunk’. The walls of it were inlaid with a surprising amount of cupboard space, and offered plenty of privacy, but there was something strangely reassuring about knowing that right next door his neighbour had her own mess of a safe space, and at the other end of the room in the walls there was another of the newest recruits nearby.

They weren’t Valgor or Kalta, who were gone already, but having the company was a good feeling. The security it offered was especially comforting tonight, and Keith found himself hopefully sending a call out to Pidge again. He’d tried a few times, but since the first call, he hadn’t been able to stay in much contact with her, or the others.

Today had been a free day at the blade headquarters for one simple reason; it was a Memorial Day for fallen blades, once of several services held throughout the year, including Regris.

The service had been intense, and he was still reeling from how different his fellow blades were. Kolivan always told him he followed emotion too much, and he’d said the same thing to Regris, but Keith hadn’t really understood what he meant until today.

The atmosphere amongst the blades was low today, and Keith had not been immune from the grief floating in the air. He missed Regris, and in that feeling, he once again turned to his friends.

By some miracle this time the call went through.

‘ _Keith!_ ’ Pidge beamed into the camera. ‘ _Guys say hi!_ ’ There was a chorus of half hellos before Pidge interrupted them, taking the camera again. ‘ _How's the Blade? I feel like I don’t see you outside of Kolivan’s transmissions_ ,’ she said.

“They’re good. Busy, but todays a sort of… well, it’s not exactly a day off, but we had more personal time today,” he said as Pidge wandered away from the others.

‘ _Really? So you’ve got time?_ ’ She asked. Keith nodded, still facing into the screen. ‘ _That’s great, there’s someone I want to introduce you to!_ ’ She said excitedly.

The camera jostled as she made her way along the halls towards the paladin’s bedrooms, knocking on one Keith knew didn’t belong to any of the others. Then the door opened and the camera steadied. ‘ _Keith, this is Matt! That trail I found was right!_ ’ She crowed, turning the view upon an older boy that looked to be around Keith’s age, with a distinct similarity to the green paladin across his features. ‘ _Matt, this is Keith!_ ’

Keith furrowed his brows, vaguely recognising the brother in question from the Garrison, and the Kerberos mission launch, actually, now that he thought about it.

As Pidge chattered, and her brother gave a confused greeting of his own, Keith tried not to feel as grumpy about the whole thing as he did.

He was happy for Pidge – she’d found her brother, done what she had set out to do since the beginning of Voltron, and he was proud of her, like a friend should be. He was genuinely happy for her.

And yet he felt like ending the call off for absolutely no reason whatsoever, and didn’t feel the enthusiasm for her conversation that he desperately tried to maintain through the call.

He felt selfish, and then scolded himself for feeling sorry for himself when he was the one who had left. He didn’t regret joining the blades, but he could hardly complain about feeling left out in the aftermath of his own decision.

The other paladins had their own lives to live, and no matter how small or large an event each of them encountered, Keith had purposely pulled himself away from that he had no room to feel jealous or left out.

Be it the new meals Hunk was making, or missing helping Shiro look into alternative arms amongst, or Lance’s new levelling in the train room, or Pidge’s success in finding her brother, he couldn’t be a part of it, and had no pace feeling sorry for himself.

But he did anyway, so as Pidge chattered, he smiled nodded, and copied carbon her enthusiasm.

In a twist of irony, after a video transmission with Kolivan, familiarising himself with Matt, the memory would come back. Their formerly friendly passing recognition from the garrison would become a deeper friendship, long before he and Katie ever had their first kiss.

But for now, he copied Pidge’s enthusiasm for all he was worth.

* * *

 

Keith groaned as he came around in the blade medical bay, ejected from the healing chamber with the hiss of piston glass doors opening, blast of cool air on his face, and the concerned face of Kolivan.

Last he remembered, he had been with Kolivan at an outer ring base, helping him accumulate the results of an ongoing mission they hadn’t been told anything about with his new teammates, then… something exploded?

“Where am I?” He grumbled, winching as he became aware of the ache in his chest.

“Calm yourself,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder as Keith tried to sit up. “You suffered significant injury, thankfully Coran was able to send your medical information from the castleship, and we already had a blueprint for your Galra genetic patterns,” he explained slowly. “For a while we were unable to calibrate the healing chambers. Human biology is unexpectedly complex. Should you get the chance, I recommend approaching Ryner for a full medical scan.”

With a little help, Keith was able to stumble to his feet across to a medical bed next to some other blade’s. “What happened?” He mumbled as Kolivan helped him resettle.

“Our location was betrayed; I believe that there is a spy amongst our ranks — we were attacked by druid ships, but thankfully we had a link to a nearby base, and were able to retreat. It is a new one, and I believe fully secure.”

Keith’s face probably would have paled if it wasn’t already whiter than a sheet. An empire spy? That was not a pleasant thought, but he was too tired to focus on it too much.

Wait… Kolivan had contacted Voltron? He must have, for his medical records from the ship. Did the others know what had happened? For some reason, Keith hoped not.

“I only spoke with Coran, and as Voltron is elsewhere engaged with the Galra, he thought that with your permission, it would be best to keep this information quiet for now,” Kolivan said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Of course, this also includes knowledge of your injuries.”

Keith wanted to protest, but part of him wondered if it would matter that much. Kolivan’s only belief was Vrepit Sa in its original, untwisted meaning, and Keith knew his words were not meant in any unkindness. It was only a logical thing to do.

“I don’t mind,” he said. “But I would like to phone them later if you could pass me my data-pad please?” He asked. Kolivan rummaged through his uniform on the table beside him and handed over the pad without complaint, nodding once as he got to his feet.

“I will let Coran know you are well,” he said, before leaving Keith alone with the other deeply sleeping blades as company. There were a few other blades in the ward, but none that he recognised. Then again, he’d only been close to a few people.

Picking up the data-pad, Keith looked at the list of names to send a transmission to, his finger hovering over the green paladin’s name. Then he dropped it, and put the data-pad aside again.

He’d probably be better off not talking about to someone just in case he did say something Kolivan would rather keep quiet. Probably. Something made him think he was just scared, but it was easier to go with the first reason.

* * *

‘ _…but I'm here, I’m here and I'm listening._ ’

* * *

 

When the metal paws of her lion landed in its hangar on the castleship, Katie had trouble letting go of the controls for a few moments.

They had faced death many times already on this mission to save the universe, but this one in particular stuck out to her not just because of how dangerous it had been, but horribly wrong _everything_ had gone. It was a miracle that they had even made it out alive at all, never mind succeed through sheer dumb luck.

Once she’d caught her breath and found some calm, she climbed out of her lion and rushed out to the containment cells where Allura and Shiro had taken Lotor. The blades were taking turns standing guard until a better chamber could be powered up, and one of them stood out, the one who’d locked him in the chamber.

Not just his significantly shorter stature, but the fact that Keith had taken his mask and hood off helped identify him. Watching him in front of Lotor’s cell, she started at the sight of him. It hadn’t been that long since she had last seen him on the transmissions, and they’d had a sparse amount of contact in private calls, but it had been months since she’d really seen him in person.

Actually, now that she thought about it, she hadn’t spoken to him for months, even on private transmissions. She could only remember introducing him to Matt. Or reintroducing, as it turned out.

He looked different, and not because of the uniform, or the healthier colour of his skin that was probably from the Blade’s Galra-friendly diet, or tone and slight muscle bulk beneath the uniform from extra training.

He looked relaxed. It was strange to see him looking so calm, especially in front of Lotor (he’d been obsessed with catching the man after all). It was an expression that in the few months before his departure had been an extremely rare occurrence. It would be closer to think it had been temporarily extinct from his limited repertoire of Keith-approved facial expressions.

She couldn’t remember the last time he looked like that, and the thought brought back the dreadful feeling that had been secretly lining her stomach since his departure from Voltron.

No matter how much she thought about it, it unnerved her; Keith had once shouted in her face about the value of many over the few, the missions over personal preference, and she could see where his thoughts, his idea that blade was a better way for him to achieve what they all wanted, came from.

The fact that it completely went everything they’d learned and what he believed at the same time made her wonder what had changed, to push Keith so far away from his perceived duty to the team, and into the next best option.

Given what she’d just witnessed not half an hour ago, she was also to scared to ask him, so instead she waited, doing her best not to eavesdrop on his conversation with Lotor. Something about his expression was too vulnerable to intrude on just yet.

It wasn’t hard to avoid really, the cell in the centre of the room, even with the walkway, was some distance from the doorway where she waited. As they spoke, the prince’s eyes noticed her, and that was what caused Keith to turn himself.

With parting words to Lotor, he turned and walked towards her. “Hey Pidge,” he said, low casual and in a tone that might be mistaken for being half-hearted for people who didn’t know what sort of battle they’d just been in.

“Hi,” she said awkwardly, and unsure of how to ask the questions she hadn’t formed into words yet. “What were you… with Lotor?” She asked, glancing at their prisoner warily. “Did he say something?”

Keith blinked then shook his head, heading around the corner into the hall, beyond sight of the cell. “No, but I had to…thank him I guess. It's a hard feeling to explain,” he shrugged.

Katie sat down purposefully followed as he headed away from the prison deck, back towards the lifts to the next floor.

Keith shrugged. “If Lotor hadn’t intervened when he did, I’d probably be space dust right now, judging by the blast radius of the shield damage,” he said. “Directly or not he did save my life, I kind of owe him. A little. Sort of. At the very least I figure I owe him a little gratitude.”

The shrug of his shoulders made her feet stop; how could he talk about something like that so casually? She’d always thought Keith had a reckless and uninhibited way of direct combat, and sometimes he clung to the mission parameters a little too much, he was willing to sacrifice more of his own person than the rest of them, and could push his own opinions aside more easily at times, but…

“You shouldn’t owe him anything at all,” she said, choking up a little; she’d only been stopped from crying when Matts protests to Keith's plan, echoed through her lion’s radio, had been cut off by Lotor’s intervention. “You shouldn’t have had to think about something lik–”

“Someone had to do something — we didn’t know Lotor was going to turn up out of the blue Pidge,” Keith cut her off, not sharply or in anger, but more in a way that he didn’t really want to talk about it, and just wanted to clarify. “I’m glad he did, but what I’m willing to do for this war… I’m not a paladin anymore Pidge, I’m a blade now, and we’re prepared for things like this.”

Katie felt like she’d had the air kicked out of her lungs by the blue girl in Lotor’s weird battle lady harem. “Yes, you are!” She said instantly, sort of afraid of what she was hearing, and also hoping the conversation was purely from her imagination.

Keith frowned. “I was, I’m not anymore,” he persisted. “Look, Pidge, you know better than Lance or Hunk that fighting like this doesn’t come without some kind of cost, for you it’s your father,” he said, tone careful. “You’d do anything for them. I don’t really have that, but I have my own… I want to do my part too, and flying into a shield is hardly any different from taking on the cruisers or Zarkon in Voltron.”

“Yes it is! It’s completely different!” Katie blurted, Shaking her head. “You are a Paladin! You don’t just stop! Red misses you! Black misses you, even Green and Yellow and Blue! We can tell, you are a paladin! You’re always going to be a paladin — you don’t just stop, you know that!”

The surprise on his face made her wonder if he did, and finally, the confusion surrounding his decision to join the blades permanently, to Leave Voltron, made so much more sense. Keith didn’t see it — to him it was just logic — but Katie finally understood not just Keith’s decision-making process, but just how much they had all collectively failed their friend.

Nobody had done anything specific, but thinking about the situation, she could see it, and it scared her. Why hadn’t anyone seen it before? Why hadn’t Shiro seen what they were unwittingly doing? What _he_ was doing?

It was a bit late to wonder now, but she could stop it from going any further. She had been there when Allura turned her back on him, and she’d do it again. Keith was her right arm.

Righties were dominant most of the time, but the Lefties always picked up the slack, and took over when needed. The left arm wasn’t a decoration, and neither was she. She wondered if it was ironic that Keith was mostly left handed and she was right handed. Voltron led the charge but without the blades, would they be standing here now?

“Promise me,” she said, holding out her left hand, palm up and open. “Promise me you’ll never do that again,” she pleaded.

Keith looked at the open palm, probably half the size of his, and gripped it with his right one. “I promise,” he said, squeezing for a moment, before dropping the grip.

“Hunk, Lance! Wait! Where are you–”

“Allura, down here!”

“Oh thank god, Keith! You’re okay!”

Katie jumped back as Hunk and Lance came careering down the hall, and laughed as Keith was swallowed by a sobbing mountain of white and yellow armour. Even lance was clinging to him like a limpet.

Keith sent her a glance, a plea for rescue, but she just smirked and crossed her arms, leaning against the wall to watch. She hated the way he thought, and the way they had all been thinking, and this just might be the turning point the whole team, and Keith, needed.

* * *

‘ _It's just you and me and these four walls, and we are only human after all._ ’

* * *

It wasn’t the jellybean that had been waking her up at night lately. That just seemed to be a food thin now that Ryner had made up some medication for her.

Katie gently shook Keith's shoulder, easing him out of whatever nightmare was plaguing him this time. There were a couple that got bad enough for his muttering and slow shaking to rouse her.

He’d never screamed or shouted, or anything like that, but they were often enough to worry her. She had her own too, and Keith always brought her out of them, held her close and reassured her until she drifted into more peaceful sleep.

She used to have them more often actually, but they had settled more for her, and the situation at the moment was making what was usually a few times a month thing for Keith a more regular occurrence.

He’d bolted up right in shock and fallen out of bed twice already from the one about Shiro, but this one wasn’t Shiro. This one was his mother, a warped mix of how she’d died with the strange vision from his Marmora trial.

It was never quite the same but it ended the same way, with the unfortunate reality that had cut his relationship with Krolia off before it had a chance to really start. She’d seen it herself, and that made her heart hurt all the more for him when it visited.

“Keith!” She insisted a little more purposely, holding him steady. “Keith, babe, come on, wake up,” she said softly, coaxing him out of the night terror, the memory. “Keith, love, come on, it’s over, it’s over…” she said, finally getting some coherence from him.

She only wished she could say it wasn’t real. As she murmured and pulled him close, Keith’s breathing was heavy, and before pulled her closer with shaky hands, he’d been a bit disorientated, as if he still expected them to be fleeing from a burning wasteland, or couldn’t understand where all the explosions were.

After a moment, he let out a breath and his back relaxed, his arms slacking a little. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I woke you again.”

“Don't worry about it,” Katie scolded, kissing his cheek. “I’d rather be woken up than sleep through when you're having nightmares, you do the same for me,” she smiled, letting him snuggle back down with her under the covers again.

For a while they laid there, Keith breathing in her scent, finding whatever relaxing things in it that only his nose could pick up, one of his hands on her belly, checking, making sure they were okay. She couldn’t feel anything as far as movement went yet, but the warmth felt nice.

“Katie?” He asked just before she completely fell asleep again.

“Yeah?” she mumbled, Turing around in his arms to look at him, if blearily.

“I think… I know I wanted to wait a little longer but...” He wasn’t quite meeting her eyes, and she guessed what he was asking before he spoke. “…If you still want to, I think it might be good to phone the therapist you were talking about.”

The difficulty for him in asking the question wasn’t pride, it was the trust involved in asking for help. Normally it would be easier with her, but she’d crossed a line on the subject when it first came up.

He’d agreed to it already, after their fight, but she hadn’t phoned back for the simple fact she couldn’t. Despite what Keith had told her, she knew then that he still wasn’t okay with it, and this sort of thing only worked when someone wanted the extra help.

There was no shame in it, as her mother said, but Keith was even more resistant to help than she was, especially asking for it himself.

“I’ll call Iverson and ask him to set it up for us tomorrow,” she said, leaning up and kissing his cheek. “Try get some sleep babe.”

Keith hummed an agreement, and before long sleep claimed him again, but Katie had a few more moments to watch, to make sure he was really sleeping this time, before she let it claim her too.

* * *

‘ _You don't have to hold the world in your hands; you've already shown me that you can._ ’

* * *

 

The hardest part was that this time, Shiro didn’t really disappear like he had before. He was there, behind the glowing eyes and smell of quintessence, of Haggar’s witchcraft and curses, the chaos of the fight in which the shock of betrayal had nearly allowed the empire to finish Voltron once and for all.

They were lucky; it had been a joint mission aboard a battle cruiser to get information on old empire factions, their targets, and defences. If coalition allies hadn’t been working together as they had on Naxzela, Katie wondered if any of them would have made it out alive after Shiro was swallowed by the glow of dark quintessence.

Her brother was in a healing pod still, and even the lions had scratches. It had been a complete mission failure, and losing Shiro in such a fast, unexpected, demoralising way, was just one part of the bad news.

Zarkon was alive. He’d fooled even his own son, thanks to his witch’s tricks. The blade cell that had uncovered the information had paid dearly to reveal that secret, and with it had come more than just a blow to morale.

The empire was in complete and utter civil war now, as if it hadn’t been terrible before. Lotor was a fugitive and Zarkon had overtaken the centre of the Galra empire once more.

Katie had to take a while to remember it all once she came out of the cryopod. Everything had happened so fast she was struggling to structure it into something that had a timeline. It had just felt like a million different disasters happening at the same time.

She remembered the small grenades being detonated as Shiro and Keith battled it out somewhere, the exits sealing, the druids… she didn’t even remember getting back to the lions clearly. She knew they had, because the black Bayard was still in Keith’s hands as she approached him.

He was up on the viewing deck, and didn’t look like he was long out of a pod himself, judging by the blanket he was wrapped in where he sat, staring out at the countless galaxies they passed.

Tightening her own around her - Coran’s insistence — she plopped herself down on the floor beside him, pulling out some of the water packets she’d pilfered from a hall dispenser on the way up.

“The gift of hydration,” she said. “Coran said you left before drinking anything,” she added, holding one of them out to him.

Keith blinked, only just noticing her presence beside him, before reaching a hand out for the water packet. “Thanks babe.”

It was probably a good thing that in spite of the chaos going on, the gut wrench that was Shiro’s betrayal, Zarkon, the failure of the mission, Katie was still able to flush at the simple nicknames Keith used without blinking when they were alone.

She still wasn’t sure whether taking this step was a good idea — they hadn’t even had a ‘space date’ in Lance’s words — but right now, it was just nice to know they could both rely on each other outside of the fighting.

She stared at the black Bayard, reaching out to it, with one finger, testing to see if it was actually there. “It really happened then,” she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment and leaning into her boyfriend’s shoulder. “I was really hoping I was having sleep chamber hallucinations this time.”

“You and me both,” Keith said, shifting so she could shuffle closer. She wrapped her blanket over her knees, and he pulled the one around his back to cover hers too as she scooted in between his legs.

“I don’t remember what happened after you followed Shiro into the hangar…” she said, leaning back as Keith opened another water packet, letting her take hold of the Bayard. “…what happened to him?”

She felt Keith’s chin lean onto her shoulder, and she found his hand as it looped around her belly, gripping his hand.

“When the lions showed up, he threw me back into one of those yellow quintessence tube things,” he said pulling her close with the other arm. “He left with the Druids when Black showed up.

Katie looked at the weapon, then relaxed into Keith’s hold, her eyes looking out at the stars. “I guess this means you’re a paladin again,” she said softly.

He didn’t try to claim otherwise, but the mixed expression on his face told her that the recruitment wasn’t exactly and inspiring one right now. And rightfully so — things hadn’t gone well the last time Keith had taken Shiro’s place, and this was so much worse. Shiro had disappeared, and this time, they had watched him go.

Turning in his arms, she quickly amended it as she looked him in the eye. “If you want to be. Just because we want you to be, it doesn’t mean you have to be,” she added. “I know why you wanted to join the blades, and if you want to stay then no-one can stop you, and no-one will resent you for it.”

She felt it was important that he knew he had a choice, that no one would be ashamed of them if he thought he could face being Black’s pilot again. That she wouldn’t think less of him for wanting to stay where he thought he made a difference. She hoped he wouldn’t. Lance and Hunk, Allura, Coran… she was sure they’d be disappointed if he did to.

She’d seen the way their faces lit up with relief when the black lion followed them, when Keith’s voice was the one calling out to form Voltron, directing and getting them through the fleet and cruisers that had surrounded them. For the first time in months, Voltron felt like Voltron again.

It felt all wrong. She shouldn’t be feeling even a smidge of happiness that Keith would be flying a lion again, not in circumstances like this, but knowing that he’d be there, that he’d have their back again, made her feel that just maybe they’d be able to do the impossible, and bring Shiro back home for good.

Keith had tracked his landing on earth without knowing what it was before he’d even heard the word Voltron, and he was the one who found him floating in that Galra ship amongst the stars. There was no question really, if he would do it again.

They couldn’t force him to fly Black though. Logically now, she understood that Shiro had been acting strange for a while, and had probably said things not just to complicate their attacks, but planted doubt in the head of the only person besides himself capable of leading with Black. Controlled by the empire, of course he’d want Keith to leave.

It hadn’t been just Shiro though. They’d all pushed. If Keith was going to return now, then he had to want to come back.

His eyes - she always forgot their colour wasn’t black or grey until she saw them close up - searched for a lie or honesty on her face. She wasn’t sure which until he leaned in and kissed, arms reaching up her back to pull her in.

It took her off guard, and she let out a little squeak of surprise until the soft, familiar and gentle attention pushed everything else aside for a moment. While Keith wasn’t usually shy about his affection, young as this new twist in their relationship was, this was… bolder than usual.

She felt his chest and back relax a little, felt his arms slacken just a tad, the odd, fast paced thud of his heartbeats on her chest.

What had started out simple had suddenly become layered and deeper, and he could probably feel her own speeding up in response to the tongue slipping against hers, and the hand messing more her messy hair.

For a while, they moved back and forth between the simple and the deeper kisses, and she wound her arms around her neck to hold herself in place - she didn’t trust her knees to have enough energy to meet him halfway after they day they’d had, and the brief reprieve from worry was more than welcome.

The odd purple dusty glow of the closer galaxies and planets and stars flared through to window next to them, and a trail of space ice glimmered so much it blinded probably blinded Keith a bit, but his focus on her seemed to be enough to blot it out.

“I’m staying,” he murmured, in-between deep and sweet kisses. His hands fell down to her hips, and he leaned in against her neck and shoulder. “You were right. When Black showed up I didn’t really think about it. You were right – you don’t stop being a paladin. I think the better phrase is I don’t want to run way this time.”

he closed the small gap again, and Katie held his face steady as she returned the earlier enthusiasm. It shouldn’t make her this happy, but it did. Voltron hadn’t been the same without Keith.

Not to mention, she was thoroughly enjoying the unexpected reunion with her boyfriend too. His hands held her close, keeping her back warm where the blanket had long fallen off, his lips chased back the desperate feeling in her chest, and while the kisses were growing much less simple in number, fast approaching the point when Keith would probably back off, mindful of her level of comfort, she felt as safe in his arms as she always did. Safer than she had on the ship in weeks.

Little gasps started to slip between her lips and Keith’s kisses, and as predicted, that was as far as things travelled, albeit subtly. Keith chose the method of a few gently kisses her cheeks, her hair, one or to soft ones on her neck to lower the tension again.

The natural break drew her eyes back out to the stars passing them, and she slumped back down, letting Keith pull her as close as he wanted.

The picture painted beyond the force field was beautiful the was no doubt, but it made her think of glowing eyes and the high, unkind magical laughter of Zarkon’s witch, and she wrapped her arms around the ones clinging to her.

No amount of making out was going to change the shit storm they were in now, but it was a good distraction, and she knew eventually, Voltron would find its way again.

* * *

‘ _Rest your eyes now, take my hand — even heroes fall down now and then._ ’

* * *

 

“…dge? Pidge? Can you hear me?”

Katie stared at lance, then blinked herself awake. Not that she could sleep right now. Sleep was the very last thing she could do right now. She’d just been staring off into the ceiling of her room, trying not to focus on the stings of the burns left on her hands and Keith’s screams.

She’d not long woken up and founder herself back in her room, Kirk and Spock hovering and snuffling around her anxiously, and Lance passed out on the floor on his own mattress, dragged in amongst all her junk and computer stuff.

“I… yeah… sort of,” she sighed, pushing aside the food goo and hot Altean liquid Hunk had left her once she’d made it out of her lion. “I’m sorry, I can’t really concentrate right now.” That was an understatement. She felt awful. Her head was still killing her, and her left side had a bunch of supportive dressings on it.

“I don’t think any of us can,” Lance sighed sitting down beside her. You should get some spray on your hands,” he said. “Keith’ll freak out if you don’t. He stayed with you while you were in the pod, but after you came out and he brought you through, Coran made him go rest.”

Katie stared at her hands, the burns on them. One of the druids had been blasting quintessence everywhere before the base even started going into lockdown, and half of her armour was gone as a result of the fight. She’d need a new suit (hell, they all would).

That was how she’d burned her hands, pushing open and slamming against a loosened panel heated by the impending explosion and raging fire. And from trying to lift the searing metal that had doomed Krolia. What had happened to her side though?

“I forgot… I probably should, or they’ll scar, right?” She mumbled. She didn’t remember much after fleeing from the base and forming Voltron to take on the druid ship that had set up the trap.

She did know she had absolutely reused to go into a cryo-pod, terrified and too busy worrying about her boyfriend, who she’d lost track of in all the confusion, still crying from the whole thing, before someone finally sedated her.

She didn't remember exactly. Someone might have said she’d had internal bleeding. The last thing she remembered was Keith holding her steady, mumbling something in her ear that the drug had stopped her from making out before she finally rested.

“I’ll go find something. Don’t move okay? You’re still in shock,” Lance said, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Coran had to give you something that’s a bit stronger than what we normally have. We haven’t stopped for supplies in a while so… he said you might still feel hazy.”

Shock. That was probably right. It kind of flew over her head though, it was still ringing a little from the explosion that had followed their escape.

_“Katie please, she’s my mother! We can’t leave her!”_

_“We have no choice! If we don’t we’ll both die too!”_

Katie shook the memories of Keith pleading as she pushed and dragged him to the guides for an exit Lotor was scrambling in her ear away. She tried not the think about the relieved expression on his mother’s face as she’d dragged him away from her. Before the rest of the explosions had started.

She felt like her heart was tearing itself into pieces just with the whole situation. She was grieving for Keith, for what he’d lost, and for Krolia, and how much bravery it must have taken to urge them on, and for herself, for intervening the way she did. They’d left her behind, and they were alive, but it felt horrible.

Was she supposed to feel guilty? She didn’t understand how Krolia could look so relieved when she dragged Keith away from her. How could anyone face the end of their life so suddenly like that? How had she made that decision? Did she have any right to?

That was the first time she’d seen someone — not just someone, her own boyfriend’s mother — die in such an obvious and awful way, and she felt like she’d done nothing to try and stop it.

“Hey, hey it's okay, Pidge,” Lances voice was a lot closer and she was sure her eyes were wet. Was she crying? “Pidge, Katie, you had to do it, it's okay, no-one thinks you did the wrong thing,” he blurted, letting her cry all over his shoulder and shirt. “Krolia too.”

Pidge stared at him. “What?” She blinked.

“Before the comms on her helmet were cut off,” Lance said, pulling back for a moment. “She… She said to tell you ‘thank you.’”

‘ _For protecting her son,_ ’ Katie’s mind finished for her. She felt herself choking up again, maybe she was even going to be sick. She wasn’t sure.

“Oh god, that made everything worse, didn’t it?” Lance panicked.

“It didn’t really make it better but I appreciate it all the same,” Katie sniffed. “What happened to my side?” She asked.

“I promise never to bring it up again if you don’t tell Keith I used your real name, he’ll get all growly,” lance bargained, and she laughed a bit.

It didn’t really bother her what people called her anymore, but she did like that aside from her father and brother, just one person ever called her Katie directly. It was nice, private, something between themselves. She wondered if Keith would ever call her by name again after this. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

“I won’t tell him,” she promised lance.

Lance’s smile was weary, but earnest. “It was the back draft; after the panel Lotor guided you guys to was loosened it made a vacuum, then the explosion reacted to it. You got hit by a chunk of debris.”

Katie nodded, thinking about what he’d told her, trying to be as methodical as her foggy head would allow in her thoughts. Keith had brought her back to her room after she came out of the pod, lance said. Then gone to rest.

“Where is he?” She asked; Keith didn't know the meaning of the word rest. He’d disappear and lick his wounds like a cat, but he never really rested. Not very well, and especially not since Shiro had disappeared.

Lance paused, then looked to the floor. “We thought he’d gone back to his room but…” he bit his lip. “He’s locked himself in black,” he said after a moment. “I tried using the comms on Red, and Hunk tried with Yellow, Allura and Blue too, but he’s turned it off, and Black won’t let anyone inside.”

Of course he did. It would be the only place no-one, not even her, would be able to talk to him, and unfortunately, when he was hurting from anything, solitude was still his first instinct. Katie couldn’t really blame him — she couldn’t imagine what he was feeling right now.

She’d rescued her family, her father twice now, but Keith had not. Shiro was still lost, after returning once, twice, he was lost for a third time, to a much darker place than the depths of space, and now Krolia was dead.

She made a point to drink some of the hot drink that was by now cold, just so lance didn’t worry too much, before stalking out of the hall, “I’ll try,” mumbled as she passed the red paladin.

The hangar was cold, and the lions somehow didn’t look as cheerful or welcoming as usual, even for expressionless robotic space lions. Waves of concern and a strange worry aimed at the black lion echoed to her from her own lion as she passed her, and Katie put a hand on her giant toe.

‘ _I know girl_ ’ she said to herself, letting the though go back to Green. ‘ _I’m worried about him too._ ’

Waking up to Black was nerve-racking, and she was half afraid that it would be for nothing. “Keith?” She called out, loud enough to know he would have heard her through the lion’s shell. Unsurprisingly she didn't get a reply, and the lion didn’t move.

Leaning her head against the lion she focused on her bond with green, how much she treasured it, trying to show the most guarded of the lions that she wasn't trying to take over, or take advantage of their third paladin.

“Please, let me in,” she begged the lion. It didn't move. “Black please! I know you're trying to protect him, but he needs someone!” She begged. “He needs me. Please, he shouldn’t be alone right now!”

After a long wait, where Katie sat shivering outside the stubborn ass lion, the lion finally lowered its jaw, stairway to the cockpit extending. Dashing to her feet before black changed their mind, she scrambled as best and as quickly as her injured side would allow.

Keith was slumped in black chair, feet propping it back and away from the control panel, on top of which his blade had been dumped, still in its sheath. He was staring at it like a zombie, much like she had been staring at her ceiling earlier. She doubted he could even see it beyond his thoughts.

He didn't even seem to hear her footsteps, or Black closing their jaw. He looked surprised when she put a hand on his arm, jerking him away from wherever his thoughts had taken him. “Katie?” He blinked.

She didn't know what to say. Asking if he was okay seemed like a stupid question. He obviously wasn't. He had two days’ worth of stubble, his hair was a mess, and he was still in his charred, ruined armour.

Wordlessly she took his hand, and led him to the bunk at the back of the cockpit. It wasn't exactly spacious, but for once being the shortest team members worked to their advantage. He let her pull off his smelly armour and when she climbed in beside him, he seemed to deflate.

“Are you okay?” He asked, brushing one of the stray strand of hair that wasn't quite long enough to stay out of her eyed behind her ear. “Coran had to sedate you, when we got back. I…”

_‘I can’t lose you too.’_

“I was scared for you for a moment,” he finished as her mind cleared the words he’d mumbled as she fell into drugged sleep.

“I’m okay, just sore,” she assured him, feeling one of his arm tighten and his he’d fall beneath her chin.

Perhaps it was the reassurance that was enough, or the physical sight that she was okay, that lets him collapse in full, start to let his grief appear. Katie had no idea if later on he would blame her, criticise the decision to leave her behind, but it wasn't something she would worry about yet.

Keith didn't need that.

There was a rumble in the back of mind — roaring, deep and dark, and protective — and she pulled her boyfriend closer as the tears began to streak through the soot left on his face.

* * *

The office was pristine, as everything at the Garrison usually was. clean, straight lines, and faintly smelling of the desert. Keith sat beside his wife, trying his best not to look like he was hoping the sofa would swallow him whole.

Having the guts to even come up to this particular office, even after talking to Shiro about and deciding it was at least worth a try, had been hard enough, but being eyed by some of the staff and other people waiting for their turn made him feel like he covered himself in purple pain and put on a set of fake giant fluffy bat ears.

"Looking for something?"

He blinked and his head snapped to Katie, who was glaring at a man and a woman who were whispering and watching with mixed expressions. caught, they at least had the decency to look cowed, and quickly went back to work.

"Can you see their name badges from here?" Katie asked, snuggling closer presumably in search of warmth.

In the week since he agreed to come here, the jellybaby had started its first in a list of unusual symptoms Ryner had given them based on previous mixed Galra pregnancies - cold flashes, like she'd been dunked in ice, or so his wife described it the first it, teeth chattering and clambering into his lap in the middle of a video call with Lotor.

"Stewartson and Croicker, why?"

"Because if I’m going to ever get along with Iverson, then he's going to give those two cleaning duty," she grumbled, then she flushed, and gave him a sheepish laugh. "I didn’t like the way they were looking at you."

"I’m sure I’ll survive," he chuckled.

"Not the point."

"Can you blame them?"

"Still not the point, you’re my husband. they gave you nasty looks, so I’m, pulling strings. I mean, it’s weird to have them if I don’t use them, you know?" she reasoned, and Keith laughed into her shoulder.

Huffing she picked up one of the magazines on the table, flipping through the different articles on space, 75% of which mentioned Voltron, by the looks of things. It was older than the big reveal on twitter though - recently that had been all over the newspapers (he still wasn’t used to it).

He tried to doze as she read, regretting the request from Iverson to go over and translate one of the Galra articles that still hadn’t been finished, the one about genetic security tech earlier. he should have just stayed at the Holt's with Katie give how shot his nerves were about this meeting today, but taking his mind off of it had sounded like a better idea at the time. now he was just sleepy.

"Commanders Holt and Hawkins?"

He must have managed some sort of nap, because the sound of unfamiliar military address made him jolt in his seat. Looking around like a startled cat, he felt Katie’s hand on his shoulder.

"Babe? you okay, we can leave it if you want," she said, voice soft and low enough it would hardly be more than a whisper to anyone else in the room, though he heard it clearly.

"I’m good," he nodded warily.

When Katie's fingers wrapped around his, and he was once again reminded that he wouldn’t be doing this by himself, that just like with Voltron, he had her there to help him up, he really was.

* * *

‘ _You don’t have to be Superman_ ’

* * *

Superman is my current Kidge theme tune as of this chapter. That and a few others. Honestly, my other name for this series is the Rachel Platten AU.The first tweet went something differently originally, but I decided to show restraint. Poor babies have enough on their hands this chapter:

 **Katie ‘Pidge’ Holt @ QueenOfGreen** Of all the questions you guys have, you want to know about Keith’s [Aubergine Emoji] [Aubergine Emoji] [Aubergine Emoji]????? STOP ASKING ABOUT MY FIANCÉ’S JUNK. _#Seriously #haveyougotnothingbettertothinkabout? #GalraKeith #Voltron_

~~It happened in my head though. You know there was someone who asked. There's always someone...~~

If anyone wants to hear any more headcannons for this series, give me a bell on tumblr (I'm Kidge-Kat). I'm also interested to know if anyone wants to hear anything about the other paladins besides these two. I have a few thing simmering away as a possibility. Also a SeaofTheives AU, because that game is taking over my life FFS.

The next instalment should focus more on the jellybaby, but as always, it depends where the plotbunnies take me. ~~This was supposed to be half this length so... yeah.~~


End file.
